Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Asst, Jokes

You don't need to be a Jew or American to be a JAP    (Jewish American Princess).
It's preferred, not required. 


Money isn't just Jewish, "perfume"....
It makes you adorable.

An 18 year old Italian, girl tells her Mom she missed two periods.

Her mom buys a pregnancy kit.

It shows she is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who was a the "pig" that did this to you?

I wana know!'

The girl makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.

A mature and distinguished man with Gray, hair & impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari & enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, & girl & tells them:  "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem."

"I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for her the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, & a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'

At this point, the father, who was silently, holding a shotgun, places a hand. firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him in the eyes & says, "You-a gonna try again!"

 

Jewish romance: 1 minute of joy  & 9 of guilt.

 A suicide bomber gets to Heaven, as foretold. When he met Allah he said he was ready to claim his virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked why there were so many there.

Allah said, "The 72 virgins are here because fools like u murdered them before they experienced the joy of sex.        So you're here to service them. They're sexually ravenous; & you'll be on constant, exhausting, duty. I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!"

The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"

Allah replied, "Who said they were women?

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